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After two weeks or so on my new regime of high intensity workouts,… - until everything was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
pressure/thunder

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[Jul. 30th, 2013|11:15 pm]
pressure/thunder
[Current Location |Singapore, Ong Lee]

After two weeks or so on my new regime of high intensity workouts, what I've realised is that I'm never able to reach the targeted level of intensity. Not once have I felt the alleged sense of can't-lift-this-weight-for-another-time or can't-run-another-step. My instinctive sense of self-preservation is too high and my will too weak. Can't seem to bring my body to the brink of breaking. Can't convince myself I need to tear those muscles to build more. I always give up before I'm anywhere near that state. My mind tells my body that if I don't give up, it will die. Or that if I can't lift that weight, there's no way I can. This is especially so when I'm doing upper body weights or running. Lower body strength training seems more palatable to me. It seems that boredom and wasting time doing durational low intensity exercises (and the questioning of the purpose(lessness) of my existence or the futility of the exercise or of anything at all) are more tolerable than bodily breakdown.

Why do I have such a strong instinct to preserve my body? It feels counter-intuitive because I know so well that there are many people and reasons I would readily give up my life for. I always thought I'm pretty indifferent to life/death and don't value it enough, considering how I've been taking 'emergency situations' quite lightly, oblivious to or ignoring the very real possibility of an actual death, seeking help only because the possibility of a physical survival with a crippling permanent brain damage scares me more. Did my inherent/biological instinct to survive grow to such heights because my body is suspicious of my will to survive? Or is the will simply below average? After all, the common ground between giving up on life and on exercise is that I surrender easily, and perhaps a little too readily.

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Comments:
[User Picture]From: crappedup
2013-07-31 07:05 pm (UTC)
No lah, it's just lazy.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: rainbowbrolly
2013-08-01 08:20 am (UTC)
Eh I how diligent can
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)